Sunday, October 31, 2010


I have difficulty looking normal in pictures. It's like a physical inability. Can you guess who I was for Halloween? I got everything from French school girl to Madeleine, so eventually I settled on Alexa Chung. Mostly, though, I just wanted to wear the dress under my coat, which is not pictured. Oops.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Bad Lighting

Lately it's been hard for me to put what I'm feeling into words. I wouldn't call it happiness, by far, but it's also definitely not depression. More like...cautious peace. There's an edge to it, and my muscles are still taut with anxiety, but about 85% of that is just from habit.

Walking a tightrope, is what it is. Am I going to plummet, or will I finally make it to the other side?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

One of those days

I'm sitting in the corner of the back room, facing the wall and eating Panda Express for the first time. It's salty and I don't see the hype. I'm sad. The veggie eggrolls were gingery, which disgusts me, but I can't even bring myself to spit it out, so I keep chewing and debate whether drinking the leftover sweet and sour sauce will make the taste go away. It does, a little.

I'm kind of over life, today.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Opening Ceremony S11 PreSale

Happening Monday.

Now that that's out of the way, please address your attention to the shoes on the bottom left.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Jeremy Scott. For Adidas. TEDDY BEAR SNEAKERS.

There is no reason on this earth that I can come up with that would make it okay for me to wear these around, but I am still inexplicably drawn to them.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Smell Like Smoke

It always baffles me, the amount of people who are at the mall...before stores are even open.

Having a weird hair day, and now, thanks to sitting outside with my boss while she had two smokes, I'm going to smell awesome for the rest of the day. I don't hold much stock in this Sunday getting any better.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Polka Dots

This shirt sold out within the first few days of the Alexa Chung for Madewell launch about a month ago...and yesterday, someone returned it into the store, tags-on, brand new. What happened next should be OBVIOUS. I snapped it up before it could even go back on the floor. WIN for me, FAIL for my bank account.

Not sure why, but I've been lethargic and tired all weekend. It's a struggle to keep my eyes open even now, and it's barely past 9PM. Have to power through, though, because I'm going to watch 'The Town' in about 20 minutes with some friends I rarely see, despite living in the same city.

Maybe I'm depressed.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy

In such a low, low mood.

Barbra and Judy. Further proof that I am a gay man in a woman's body.


Some adorable 4 year old singing 'You Are My Sunshine' - This song is dedicated to Carter, who also loves this song so much that he'll whine when he hears it.

Kamikaze Dog

So, THIS guy nearly gave me a stroke just now. We had been out at a friend's to hang out and watch Glee, and he was perfectly fine. He got a little antsy, and I figured, okay, he has to pee, no big deal. Take him out, and of course, he doesn't go. Fine. That's just fine.

We drove home, and once we got to our neighborhood, he started getting antsy again, so I think to myself, 'Oh, he's excited to go home!...or he really has to pee...' But I roll down the window and let him stick his head out, because he's done this billions of times and he doesn't even really like sticking his face out that much.

Then we get to our street, and TWO HOUSES before we get home, he decides to CRAWL/FALL OUT OF THE WINDOW. This is where my stroke happened.

He starts crying, I park the car haphazardly in the middle of the street, and when I see him limping towards me, I stare helplessly at my house, just trying to wake my parents up by sheer willpower. Finally, I manage to get him to stop crying and trying to scramble back into my car (?! what the heck is wrong with this dog?!) long enough to reach my phone and call my mom. There was actually another number I wanted to call too, but I refrained, as it's 1 in the morning, and I'm not a complete moron.

He's curled up in his bed now, and I'm taking him to the doc first thing in the morning, so the shock of what just happened has finally caught up and I'm being a big weirdo and crying while typing. Ridiculous.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The New

I know I'm in a funk when I can't stop my trigger finger from clicking "CONFIRM PURCHASE" for 3 days in a row. It seems that any self-control I have can only be directed in one direction at a time, and since I'm working overtime to logic/delude/assuage myself into...whatever it is I'm doing, I'm not even sure..I no longer have any self-restraint on the shopping frontier.

When I get my cc bill, there will be some regret, but for now, why HELLO pretty new clothes! Would you like some new friends to join you soon? OKAY.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Once Upon A Time

There was a cup and a saucer, and though they were different colors and mismatched, somehow, they ended up as a set. They traveled together, from house to house, garage sale to flea market, for many years. Each hand they passed through had a pair of lips that would smile fondly at the odd coupling of the cup and saucer. Each hand also eventually dropped one or the other, made an attempt to mend it, and then inevitably passed the set on. The paint was chipped, the prints were faded, and time wore down their differences in appearance, so that they seemed to match more and more.

One day, the hands who then held the set realized that the many cracks and the uneven and imperfect fixes had made the cup and the saucer unsuitable for one another; they no longer fit together, however auspiciously they had managed to make it work in the past. There were only two options, as getting rid of them completely just seemed unnecessary and wasteful: separate the two and use them as individually flawed pieces, or break them both completely and re-make each. There was no guarantee that putting the broken pieces back together would enable the cup and the saucer to fit together again, but it was their only chance.

So they waited. There was no patience or impatience involved in the waiting, as they were simply a cup and a saucer. They sat in the corner of a cupboard, with every intention of somehow being fixed and being useful again, whether together or separately, while time covered them with a thick layer of dust.

By the time they were discovered, it was a new hand that saw no value in an old, broken, and mismatched set of a cup and saucer. And so the story ends, with them being shattered beyond repair in the bag of rubbish on the curb, where they now wait to meet an incinerator, to be reborn as ash and mixed so completely together that there can be no distinguishing between the pieces, no need for matching or fitting. A cup and a saucer no more.


Has something clicked? Snapped? Crackled? Popped?

Is this fleeting, or have I grown a spine somehow?

It's like a raging hurricane in my heart has been trapped in a sound-proof cage; it roars and crashes, it whips back and forth, still (like Willow Smith's hair...), but I've finally gone deaf. And if it sticks, it might just be a handicap that saves my life.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Agree or Disagree?

The longer I live, the less I trust ideas, the more I trust emotions.
- louis malle

I'm not so sure how I feel right now, except that a) I've vomited twice tonight, b) my whole body aches, as if gravity (or really strong magnets) is trying to get me to sink into the ground, and c) I'm worried about going to the doctor tomorrow.

Shouldn't Have Had That Caffeine

Apparently, even drinking Coke Zero after 3PM makes my heart race and muscles twitch well into the AM. My body is too susceptible to these kinds of things. So here I am, knowing that I have to wake up in 6 hours for work, looking at 'old' pictures of my and my brother's dogs. "Old" being 4 months ago.

It's sad how fast time goes for some things, and how slowly other things change.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Personal Day

Found the top jacket on TOPSHOP, and it kind of reminds me of the Isabel Marant one that all the fashion people have. Or the Rachel Zoe for QVC one that sold out in a weekend. I want it.

Took a personal day from my internship today...does that make me a bad person? Don't answer that. I spent it watching a lot of TV, shopping online, eating pizza and drinking Coke Zero (Hello, Freshmen 15) and forcing my dog to cuddle with me. Personal day well spent.