Look

I've made it since Tuesday without crying; it's a new record. Tearing up doesn't count, by the way, because the fact that I was able to stop them from overflowing is pretty much a miracle: I'm a human floodgate, once a little bit seeps through, it all comes rushing out. What's helped: Carter loving me so very much, filling my day minute by minute, and exhaustion from everything else.

My heart has had some balm applied to it by various people whom may or may not even know they were a stitch or more in putting me back together. No, it's not all better. No, I can't lean entirely on one single person. Yes, a little bit of leaning here and there is enough to steady me at least until the next questionable moment. I can breathe again, but it still hurts.

To ensure that I always have something to occupy my time when I'm not studying or working or sleeping, I've made a stack of things to do. Read Amphigorey, re-read the Fountainhead, two Taro Gomi activity books, DVDS (including Heathers, Veronica Mars, and DARIA!), and when all else fails - Harry Potter. Plus, I get my new bike soon, and that will be good for trips to the lake, or even just around the neighborhood, with Carter & friends. It's a lot, right? It'll be even more if I could just get my RS program to quit freaking out on me so I could continue with French, Italian, and Spanish lessons...I need more computer savvy friends.

Dude, that is a lot.

We'll see. I get really ambitious sometimes, and then nothing gets crossed off the list because I end up feeling too overwhelmed to get out of bed. Maybe I'll move the stack closer to bed. Just in case.